Update on What's Going On/My Life Sucks A Bit

OK, I think it's time to tell you all how I feel right now.

The first thing I have to tell you is that over the winter season, my grandmother's pancreatic cancer came back.  She doing great, but her treatments are taking up a lot of my time to be with you guys.  And without my grandfather, we are in a finacial hole; not that big though.  Sometimes its either keep a roof (a brand new one by the way) over our heads and eat what we have (which isn't that much) or buy food and gas.  Man, her getting ill sucks.  All she does now most of the time is sleep.  She's so tired she doesn't have enough energy to do any housework like laundry and washing dishes.  And if this thing comes back a 3rd time, I think she might not get lucky (that's how grandpa dies; his brain tumor returned and there was nothing we could do).

Another thing that's been going through my head is buying a preowned PS4 so I can play better versions of my games.  So far I have GTA V and LEGO Dimensions; which are the two games/reasons why I'm upgrading.  But now a 3rd reason is that now there will be no more new games for the 360.  So now, I HAVE to upgrade.  The problem is that I still don't have the money for one.  Sure I've earned it, but I'm still not getting paid (I did a side job for a roofing company to clean up the mess for $10 an hour; I made $180).  If my grandfather was still around I would have it by now.  I really hope I get it soon.  Plus, to let you know, once I have it I'll be more focused on that than doing artwork.

And that's the next thing, once I'm done with some request, I will not be taking anymore for a while so I can focus on other things:

-Miraculous Review with
-Total Drama Girls Island Series
-My 10 Year Total Drama Special
-Thomas & Friends Great Race Disney Infinity Figures & Playset
-The Ridonculous Race Disney Infinity Figures & Playset (Available by the end of the year)

Request:

hanging out with Gwen, Emma, and Kitty

TD girls as Disney Princesses (Sky as Mulan, Dawn as Rapunzel, Jasmine as Tiana, Ella as Snow White, Kitty as Anna and Zoey as Moana)

:iconBritishFanGirl2012: Sky and Topher with their daughter Cathy (Art Trade)

Ella in her swimsuit I made with a bloated belly (bigger than Sky's) floating in the pool with water wings

Total Drama OC of herself

After these, I'm not taking anymore request, except from and (you guys get special privileges).

Also, my re-writes for TDRR episodes 8 and 26 are cancelled (I don't feel like doing them anymore; blame being away from a death laptop for that).

One last thing, I might act strong (emotionally) as some of you may say.  But the truth is that I can easily get angry or upset when things don't go my way.  Plus, I don't feel comfortable expressing my feelings to anyone in my family except for my brother and my dad; and those here I consider family (I.E. as both a best friend and a big brother & as the little sister I've always wanted).  And I guess I can blame my late German grandmother (dad's mom) for that.*

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*Back in 2004, it was just me and her when Dad had to work during our vacation.  She told me that I had to stop doing what I was doing and start growing up (I was 12 when this happened).  I was really upset by this.  And one day when I woke up just in time to see my dad leave, I just cried myself back to sleep and never woke up until lunch.  I pretty much spent those two weeks alone (which is what I'm doing most days now).  Oh, but it gets worse.  On Christmas Day 2012, she did her little outburst again about how I haven't grown up and I wasn't driving yet (which I MAY never do); but this time it was in front of my dad, aunt, uncle, cousin, and her then boyfriend now husband.  I felt so small and helpless after that (it was the worst Christmas of my life).  At least that's one good thing about her death, I never have to hear her say those awful things ever again.  What do you expect from a guy in his mid 20's who has the heart and soul of a kid?

But I guess I can also blame my dad for this too.  He works too much and never has time for me (but you can mostly blame the people he's working for).  He also said I couldn't live with him until I could drive.  Yes, I'm almost 25 and I still don't know how to drive, cook, or any of those other things.  But I want to learn from him and ONLY him because he's the best at this stuff.  He's the best cook in the family (like, fine restaurant quality best) and he used to be a mechanic (he's a car fanatic).  I do love him, but sometimes I douth him.  I don't care that I'll never be able to do things other people can do.  I just want to be with someone who can actually care and support me; the way I like it.  I hope one day when I can finally live with him that he quits his 24/7 pizza delivery job and we move to Myrtle Beach (close to my aunt and uncle) so that he can get a better job and I can be close to a city where I can be near everything.

But until then I had to settle with living with my grandparents; which was fine until both got sick and one of them didn't make it.  Now I'm stuck here until her time has come; which might not happen until my own life is half over.  I want to leave so I can finally do something I love (I. E. making money just by playing videogames and competing in tornements; you can thank an episode of CBS's "Bull" for that idea) and finally find that special someone in my life.

And I can't go back to my mom's.  I love her but even she has a hard enough time bringing in money; especially since my stepdad can no longer work due to a back injury from a near death car crash we were involved in back in 2010.  Sure, she has a lot of TV channels where I can see my shows, but after grandpa passed, I can no longer go back (this is why I'm missing all my shows; I only get channels 2, 6, 10, 17, and 23 at grandma's).

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Of course I still want internet at my house so I can be with you guys 24/7.  But since my grandmother's place is a dump and we live where there is no wifi/cell tower, almost no one knows where we are.  It's like we don't exist.  This is majorly why my life sucks right now and why I'll never get any internet here.

Sorry if this took too long and that this went from an update to a confessional.  But this is how I feel sometimes.  I really hope my life can get back on track.  And dad, if you are reading this, just know that I still love you and that I'm still hopeful that we can be together more.  But please, try to understand how I feel about about this whole ordeal.  Because until I'm with someone like you, I have no future.